It's The One you Feed

How does one person suffer immense loss and emerge whole...while others continue to wallow in bitterness and pain? Kerry O'Connell is a patient safety advocate who writes:

"...After talking to many of our wounded friends I was certain that the difference between the bitter wounded and the inspired wounded was faith in God. But it wasn't that simple. Some with no particular faith chose very inspiring lives while some with faith became truly bitter, for they had to to forgive their Doctor and God himself." Kerry has clearly been on a long and thought-provoking journey. I find a lot of advocates (survivors) aren't sure anymore what to make of the concept of God. Where was He when the medical tsunami boiled up out of a calm sea and claimed their mother, father, or child, while leaving the others around them smiling, dry and whole? How do you calmly rebuild your life with such essential parts missing?  I can only say I've seen people do it. I don't know how...and I'm not sure they do either. Seems to me they don't re-build the life they had before; they build another...on different ground, the foundation shored up here and there. And I believe the admission ticket to this re-building is, in Kerry's words - "forgiveness".  Forgiving the doctor and God....sure that's tough. But even before that (or on top of that), how about forgiving yourself? Seems crazy, when (as our friends reassure us) we think we did all we could. But in quiet moments, when we are least expecting it, the niggling, thorny thought intrudes..."could I have done more?" I didn't know much about C-diff when my Dad first contracted this infection five years ago...but then again, I didn't ask. I didn't start scouring the internet until his abrupt death left me with more questions than answers.  And that prompts the perennial question - "If I knew then what I know now, could I have made a difference?" Like so many, I will never know.  But on balance, I can say have found a way to forgive the doctors, the hospital, and - to the extent my lapsed Catholicism has yielded to spirituality - God. And yes, I have come to forgive myself.  Now, I find wisdom in all kinds of places, and in many faiths. This parable in particular resonates with me (if you've read before, it's worth reading again):  An Old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life. "A fight is going on inside me," he said to the boy. "It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil - he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego." He continued, "The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you - and inside every other person, too."  The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."