Chemotherapy & Meeting Kylie

I cannot count how many people have approached me and said, but Sarah you should be taking it easy. With having an eight year old daughter those words are not easy to follow. The usual chores mixed in with my usual routines are what makes me tick. Today I spent some time chatting to one mum at school about my treatment. The staff at my daughters school were listening in with interest because I’m so to the point about cancer. She was confused like many others on how my breast cancer could still return after having a mastectomy.

I sat her down and said understand first on having my mastectomy I received no chemotherapy or meds after. She then tilted her head with the instant WHY? I said my cancer was pre-cancer in situ, but high grade. They were hoping that they had cleared all the margins, but in 5% they can miss a bit. With DCIS they do not treat you with chemotherapy unless it has developed into lesions. My Paget’s had developed into a lesion, but again was pre-cancer.  To sum it up my team and I had thought we had knocked it on its head. Then she said, but you have a recurrence... Yes that is because the chance that a cell may remain whilst slim is a possibility, so if I sum it up it is the same cancer in the same place which now needs aggressive treatment i.e. chemotherapy. Then she said but don’t you feel frustrated because on seeing you each day you would not even believe you are going through what you are going through? My reply, But life is frustrating if we did not have glitches or a point where we have to put up a fight then what? I continued the conversation with other mothers and teachers listening on. And all have found my matter of a fact approach fascinating. Whether I like it or not I’m in this for the long run. Just like I have been in it for the long run with my diabetes which to be honest is what I am concerned about.  Diabetes is the dark horse which is unpredictable at the best of times.

The side effects of chemotherapy have been minimal so far, so in between tablets and snacks to ease the nausea I’m ok. The only issue I had with my initial infusion was a reaction after having one of the drugs. I had burning in my sinuses and head followed to a blanket of fog going across my sight and headache. They said on the next infusion they will take their time on giving me that particular drug. Before that there was the usual vein issue which is the norm with me. Medical staff on seeing my fat juicy veins instantly believe this will be easy NOTTTT!  Took several attempts to get the canular in and a tube of warm water. The chemo nurse also said because my veins are hyper sensitive to the drugs they will be putting in a request for a tube to keep the veins open. This mean it will need flushing once a week if fitted.

On the whole I’m fairing well, but it is still early and I know my symptoms are going to increase with time. Rationality tells me do what you got to do with moderation, but knowing me I will be fighting it. I won’t be doing anymore premieres with Sophia, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be planning ahead with her for the near future. It was lovely meeting Kylie Minogue as the final one for now though. Although Sophia could not attend because of school and my appointment at the big CC hospital for my assessment she was pleased to add her autograph to her collection. Kylie was really cute, sweet and dinky in her long black sequined gown.

Film footage and pictures on Sophia's blog.... link on the right hand corner..

 

 

Spot me in the background with my new hair mmmmm!! lol

 

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Oh, My Moaning Tree....

The other day I went to Hyde Park and I wondered threw its endless weaving paths. I had a bag of stale bread and I was heading for the octagon by Kensington palace. Before I reached my destination I took a short cut across the green and I came across what I call a moaning tree. I chuckled at its expression and tried to imagine if this old tree could talk what stories would it reveal, maybe the odd romance amongst royal staff with an affair or two.

This tree stood out from all the rest and seemed to have a personality despite the damage it has received through the years, but the damage has given the tree the character I see and I walk around the tree asking myself, why is life so focused hard on perfection? That maybe my past arrogance is being rewarded with the scars that are hidden from view.

I have tried to avoid the pink confetti of breast cancer month this year, but no matter where I go the reminder is there. I mean Kylie Minogue received an honorary degree this month and to be honest I was annoyed at the commotion she received. It had been perfectly timed for breast cancer awareness month. Kylie is a celebrity with a PR team supporting and advising her on every move, but to me there are plenty women out there who deserve the same recognition. The women I speak of do not have the luxury of advisors. They sit at a computer night after night sifting through information and sharing it out as best they can. Their tireless efforts are rewarded with a thank you not a piece of paper with a title.    

Before I was diagnosed with breast cancer I actually was not aware of the bureaucracy that surrounded October. Each year post diagnosis the only day that was of importance was the 31^st  due to the work I was involved with. Yes I did my bit and bought the badges or slipped the odd pound into a collection box, but I personally was ignorant to breast cancer and its red tape. We give small tokens hoping in some way that ignorance will be a blessing and cancer will not darken our door. So two years on from diagnosis, and my perception of breast cancer has changed, but is it for the better?

My frustration of the conveyor belt I am on is only an echo of what others feel. I am trying to make sense of memories past that are now starting to fade. Yet the daunting shadow does not fade like the scars that remain. I feel my concerns are not solely expressed by me alone either. Many past conversations I have had have left questions unanswered. The only issue I have with my moaning tree is if that moaning tree grows amongst other trees that don’t bare the scars it can be easily hidden away.

‘We walk into the unknown with every foot step we take. Please understand breast cancer is not just October it is a reality for some every single waking day. Be breast aware!’

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