Part One D_Day For Nipple Recon

Today my humour was at full pace whilst I had the start of my nipple reconstruction done. They handed me a mirror and said ‘So where do you think your nipple should be?’ I looked at the men present in the room and thought hang on guys your men where do you think it should be? The surgeon was a women and I thought nope you can’t say that. So I bit my lip and said here pointing to my chest. I smiled and plonked my finger in the area I thought was right before she lost patience with me. She knew I was trying to make fun out of a very serious situation. Then I turned to the other male plastic surgeon and said, ‘What do you think?’ The female plastic surgeon stepped in quick smart. ‘No I am asking you where you want your nipple to be. You have to live with it.’ I never knew how hard it was to position a bloody nipple. The theatre bed back went up and down with me looking in a mirror for five minutes or so until we finally agreed on the position with a marker pen marking the area.  

Then she had to numb the area with a local. Boy I could of jumped and kissed the theatre ceiling. The pain was in the area where once my back muscle was happy to be. The sensation was not natural and made me feel sick. A nurse held my hand whilst I gritted my teeth. The surgeon was brilliant and took her time, but I never thought a few pricks could create some many profanities. I of cause kept a dignified Ouch! And that hurts.

Once my chest was numb and thoroughly sterilised in iodine a curtain was put up at my request so the fun could begin. The female surgeon told me to put my hands under my bottom. Don’t know why and I didn’t ask. Then they got busy with the scalpels whilst I and a male nurse chatted to ease the boredom. We spoke about my two girls and what I did for a job. I told him that I was going into acting as well as designing costumes for theatrical projects. The male nurse then mentioned how someone he knew had met a girl who happened to do a porno whilst studying to be a lawyer. Don’t ask me where this conversation came from. Maybe he thought I should go into porn or maybe it was to do with the fact I had my chest out in full view, but apparently his friend thought he had scored big time because his now girlfriend had done a porn movie. Then the male nurse said, ‘Did you know that the men have a rougher ride than the girls during the making of a porn movie?’ My reply was, ‘Personally I have never done a porn movie?’ Now I am not uncomfortable with the conversation in fact I am bemused. But I do believe they will have given the young man a talking to later. If I had mentioned or insinuated anything to do with porn to create the conversation then fine, but I was talking about my girls and skirted across the acting not giving any details at all. Strange how having your tits out on a table moulds a conversation.

Anyway one hour later my nipple is formed and I am bandaged up. The female surgeon said you have a Madonna esque theme going on so don’t be shocked. They had put a cup over my reconstructed nipple and taped it in place to protect it. All I kept thinking was ok I have a fitted red shirt how on earth am I going to button it. Why they did not say please wear a loose fitted top is beyond me. Thankfully I had brought a large rain Mack to protect me from the strange looks people will give when I go on the underground.  So this is one step closer to a new nipple fingers crossed it takes.

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What a Bargin..

I love finding  a bargain in a charity shop. My friends say I am a typical Yorkshire woman when it comes to sniffing out a deal. Today I bought a Litho image of a native American Indian. I paid £5 for it and is worth £200 or more. I have hung it up in my hallway because I love it. The image is called Proud American and one of a series printed in 1976 by Popo & Ruby Lee.

I also received a phone call from the Big C hospital. They have a cancelation and want me to come in on Friday for nipple reconstruction to begin.

Letter from Big C hospital

Dear Dr S,

Re : Ms Sarah Mendoza – DOB **/**/**** NHS Number: *** *** ***

        18 **** **** Road, Northolt, Middx, *** ***

I reviewed this pleasant lady in clinic today. She has had a left mastectomy and LD implant reconstruction as an immediate reconstruction in November 2009. Postop, she had a capsulotomy and adjustment of her high riding implant February 2011.

On examination today, she finds that the appearance of the left breast has significantly improved after operation. It is still though slightly high riding compared to the right breast. She decided that she is not keen to have any further symmetrisation procedures, but she is really keen to proceed with a left NAC reconstruction. She understands that the position of the left nipple areolar complex depends on the contour and shape of the left breast and that it could look asymmetrical comparing to the right NAC should she decide to have further symmetrisation procedure after her left nipple areolar complex construction. I have put her name on the waiting list for left NAC reconstruction today and I have arranged for her to see Mr H in clinic in six weeks’ time to discuss things further. We will keep you informed of her progress.

Yours sincerely

Miss A

Finally things are moving forward and I only have to get the all clear from my oncologist appointment next.

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I'm a Addict I Admit It!

The past two days have given my youngest daughter some fabulous memories to hold onto. We went to two premieres ‘Kung Fu Panda 2’ & ‘Larry Crowne’.

The first was Kung Fu Panda 2 and Sophia had a fantastic time. The minute she saw the panda she would not stop shouting Po. Then when Jack Black came round the corner in a rickshaw she kept shouting his name until he came over to chat to her. Jack Black gave her a high five and signed our book which made her day and mine. He was so warm and funny to watch in person.

The following day we went to the Larry Crowne premiere. There were loads of people there and Sophia had a photograph of Tom Hanks waiting to be signed, but sadly we did not get his autograph. Instead I managed to get Ronnie Wood, Sophie Ellis Bexter and Cherie Blair in our book.
 

Whilst there I managed to chat to a few autograph hunters at both events. They let me into a few little secrets about getting autographs. You can actually reserve your patch by putting your coat on the barriers or get a camping chair and no-one will touch it.That some people are there because of profit to be made on autographs, but I explained that I want to get pictures signed so I could raise cash for cancer research. They admired my determination to check out the competion first rather than run in head on. It is a very dark industry where people are very competitive for the perfect patch to gain autographs. Some would sooner you were not there at all. The signature I have of Ronnie Wood alone is worth £50 or more on eBay.

It all goes on how clear the signature is to the value a collector will pay. With me being just off the central line to central London. I can hunt theses signatures down and forward them onto friends for their charities, or set up a webpage and sell them making sure the monies go to cancer research direct from me. This is only an idea that I am playing with, but the people I am now networking with say it is an excellent one to do if I can set it up.

Yes I admit it I am becoming addicted to collecting autographs, but I have another personal reason also for doing this with my young daughter. Although this is nothing to do with BC it is everything to do with BC. Sophia is six years old and if the BC took hold I might not have seen her reach seven. Memories are important to a child’s personal development especially fun ones with Mummy. The other autograph hunters understood, but are still weary of my intentions. To me it is a bit of fun, but to them you’re stealing an autograph that could be sold making them a profit.

Richard Blackwood sparing with Jack Black on stage

Follow the black arrow near the bamboo, yes that is me lol

Sophia so proud of her poster..

Tom Hanks only three feet away :-(

Sophie Ellis Bexter

Ronnie wood

Cherie Blair

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Do You Think 2% is Good Enough?

I do not know the percentage of women that have got to five years free of cancer. I do not know the percentage of women that have gone ten years free of cancer, but that is not my point. I personally would sooner see no percentage because no women should face the pain that others have faced.

No my point is companies that are clearly making money out of our pain. I want these so called companies that say they are raising money for BC to put their hands up. I want to know your percentage for donation against the fight on BC.

A fellow BC survivor in USA put an image of a fairy part of the Hamilton collection. It was done to raise money for BC.

Her anger towards a pink fairy with opalescent glitter infuriated her and it was understandable, but there is more to this story because I jumped on board. Out of curiosity I emailed the company. My question was simple how much of a percentage goes towards BC? Now these companies can ignore the question. These companies are obligated to answer if they are pestered enough, but all it took was one email. On their web page it does not state how much of a percentage they donate.

People are being mislead into feeling they are doing a lot more for a very worthy cause. Well here is the bubble burst for you.

This is their reply...

Dear Valued Client,
 
Thank you for contacting hamiltoncollection.com.
We are always pleased to hear from our clients and appreciate you giving us the opportunity to be of assistance.
As per your inquiry, 2% from every breast cancer collectible is donated to help raise breast cancer awareness and fund research. We apologize for any misunderstanding in this matter.
 
Please respond to this email if we may be of further assistance. Be sure to visit the hamiltoncollection.com online store by clicking on the following hyperlink: http://www.hamiltoncollection.com
 
Sincerely,
  
Customer Service
hamiltoncollection.com

Now if this does not explain why Accidental Amazon and the rest of the girls I follow on my blog are angry in the candy world of BC. I honestly do not know what else to say... 2 cents in a dollar... 2 pence in every pound from a marketable price of $29.00 or £15 UK pound for a fairy. This is the value of BC as well as a factual percentage from this company. From a cast of a fairy that most probably cost 10 pence or 20 cents in a factory in Taiwan.  

I leave this post with one request.. people before you spend your cash on so called BC fluff produced by scrupulous companies . Ask yourself this question...

 Do you think 2% is good enough?

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What a bloody downer!

I hate my dreams, I bloody hate them! I go to sleep in a perfectly relax mood and my brain goes into override on the day’s events. So I honestly could not of been that relaxed. I sieve through my day trying to work out what could of triggered this depressing dream.

1.       This is a depressive article about the true reality and the search for a cure. http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2004/03/22/365076/index.htm

2.       I had written on a FB page of a fellow blogger and had read her recent blog. ‘Being Sarah’

3.       My granddads, nana and father’s death to tumours and cancer.

4.       I am writing a script using experiences from my teenage years not cancer related, fragments were in the dream.

These four things had got mashed together and had folded out into a mini movie in my head. It will teach me a lesson to go digging into memories whilst reading postings on my FB board.

Whether we see it or not life is a bit like a snake and ladders board. You will be rolling a dice and strolling along and hit a ladder. ‘Oh fantastic!’ You say to yourself, ’I have a ladder!’ and you climb it. Then you roll the dice yet again and you hit a bloody F’ing snake. So life is full of bloody snakes and ladders, but personally I don’t want either. I like walking along my board hoping I find the one hundred. To me for every ladder there is a snake in hiding. Depending on its damn length who knows how long your slide will be. That is the pattern of depression and its effects on you.

My sleep pattern is a bit like this also. I’ll be going to bed on a positive high and my dreams tell a different story. The stress of day to day living has a way of twisting you into a depressive state of mind. I hate my dream, I so hate my dreams especially when they are not nice dreams. I want candy and happy thoughts not the dream I had last night. Now I will be feeling crap all day because I will be thinking about it. What a bloody downer!

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New Normal! Phewy! I Am Far From New....

No matter who you speak to in the land of BC the two words that stand out are ‘New Normal’, but my quest is not new normal. I am in search of routine rather than ‘New normal’. When I received my diagnosis for diabetes the words used were ‘Life changes.’ If I was to reach a ripe old age with my limbs and eye sight intact I must make life changes. So the words ‘Life changes’ seem more appropriate for me. New normal feels you have to turn yourself inside out, but it’s really about routine in all sense of the word. You are in search of a routine with acceptance of a condition you’re not in control of. The fact the next appointment could be ‘Oh dear Mrs Mendoza looks like the big C is back’ does not help. Yes this is a negative sentence, but it is the truth. We live in fear of those dreaded appointments.

Diabetes is no different to cancer it is your cells on a suicidal mission. The fact that the two are now linked which really is no surprise. Means my so called new normal brings another new routine.

Living in London I tend to look for nooks and crannies to observe. It’s an occupational hazard of being a nosey twat as my friends would say. I am not one for being around crowds of people, but in this city you cannot avoid them. It’s like watching scurrying ants all on individual missions with a goal that is just out of reach. They have zero manners and a blind spot that covers the entire line of sight. So when I hear someone say good morning and smile I jump. Straight away you know he is not a Londoner.  I make a joke and say, ‘Well I know you’re not from around these parts’. ‘Here’, he said ‘Wow a fellow Yorkshire person with a smile’. I said,’ Too bloody right but shh! We are infiltrating the enemy lines’. Now this whole paragraph is nothing to do with BC, but that is the new routine or new normal. On my blog I talk about BC. In my everyday life off my blog board I am the same old nosey twat that I ever was.

I am not one for sitting at a table with a cup of tea pouring my heart out. You will not get any sense out of me. As my friends say I am good at bullshitting my way through a situation if uncomfortable.  

Instead I spew my life out on a blog board in hope my friends develop a better understanding of BC and its effects on me. It gives me a chance to sit back and read with the option to edit what I have written and understand this journey I am on. Talk is cheap, Talk is therapeutic, Talk is understanding that your life is not stood still, but you are whilst others run by if you allow it. New normal! Phewy! I am far from new.... I am ancient with an attitude.

So I have built myself a positivity brain with five things that are important to me.

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Frankenstein Science & BC Land.

Me and my partner in crime from my teenage days got into a rather humorous conversation. Sandra has a no nonsense approach to life. Her favourite saying when times are hard is, ‘God does not pay his dept’s back with coins. It is no good thinking life is easy you have to work at it to achieve it.’

Now our phone conversation starts with me complaining about me waiting eight months for my nipple reconstruction. Her reply was why bloody hell they could have grown you a nipple by then. I laughed at her reply because northern humour is so dry and to the point. She continues, you think I’m bloody joking. If they can grow an ear on the back of a mouse surely they can grow you a new nipple.

My reply was well I never really thought about growing a nipple before. My next visit to the Plastic surgeon will be a very interesting consultation. Sandra continued I bloody hope so to and I want every detail relayed back to me. Then the conversation got even wackier. Just think they could grow a nipple on your arse. Oh my god an erect nipple on your arse how weird is that. By this time tears of laughter were rolling down my cheeks. She continues do you have a wart rub it on that empty space where your nipple was. Then you can grow your very own nipple all you have to do is colour it in with a permanent marker.  Now some may take offense at this type of humour, but if you knew Sandra you would know there is a hidden language behind it. To her it is no good dwelling on what was. Think about what could be. She herself has had her fair share of health problems.  

Our conversation brought a smile to my face and is not far from the truth. There is hope out there for women and men who have had mastectomies that the future is not so bleak. Science is moving forward at such a rate that even I am amazed.

To me there is a space for Frankenstein science in BC land....

And yes I will be bringing this conversation up with my Plastic surgeon...  out of curiosty.

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